Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize