to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
