Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
