There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There's always time for handjobs
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
