I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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