Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
