Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
