Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
