he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
