Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
