just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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