Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
