I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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