I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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