I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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