Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
