There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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