I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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