I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Even my vagina gasped.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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