Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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