i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
