I want to stick my p in your. b.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
