woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
