She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
