Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
