That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize