i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
