Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
