Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
