my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
