Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
