i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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