yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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