You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
