I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
