then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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