If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
