im about as happy as oj after his trial
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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