i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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