just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
