Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!