Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

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(303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move. http://tfl.nu/t85w

Replies (17) Good night (2802) Bad night (684)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe

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(919): just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe http://tfl.nu/vn8k

Replies (5) Good night (624) Bad night (3160)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less

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(908): i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less http://tfl.nu/aust

Replies (35) Good night (6434) Bad night (573)
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(773): View more from Illinois

yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.

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(773): yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL. http://tfl.nu/d3ky

Replies (29) Good night (696) Bad night (7706)
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(415): View more from California

what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance

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(415): what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance http://tfl.nu/c8s3

Replies (34) Good night (1271) Bad night (4845)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.

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(970): I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently. http://tfl.nu/qjfh

Replies (2) Good night (2579) Bad night (797)
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(360): View more from Washington

just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.

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(360): just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs. http://tfl.nu/bvji

Replies (18) Good night (1912) Bad night (557)
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(309): View more from Illinois

This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.

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(309): This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend. http://tfl.nu/skkm

Replies (9) Good night (1820) Bad night (582)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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(773): Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are http://tfl.nu/he1z

Replies (6) Good night (940) Bad night (849)
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(516): View more from New York

Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.

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(516): Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/jc2j

Replies (15) Good night (1328) Bad night (647)
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(607): View more from New York

I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs

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(607): I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs http://tfl.nu/5n4l

Replies (16) Good night (583) Bad night (2613)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.

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(307): I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left. http://tfl.nu/b2xd

Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (483)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen

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(610): Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen http://tfl.nu/wlxj

Replies (5) Good night (1023) Bad night (399)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.

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(302): I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever. http://tfl.nu/6hp3

Replies (2) Good night (916) Bad night (435)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment

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(608): Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment http://tfl.nu/9ful

Replies (6) Good night (589) Bad night (348)

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