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• (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.

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  Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

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  23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (312): View more from Illinois

  All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.

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