Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...