oh god the rape fog is back!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
