My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The air was thick with penises
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
