Where did you get a picture of my penis
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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