Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
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There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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