god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
