I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
