It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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