You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize