Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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