mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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