i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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