I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
