Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
