She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.