Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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