I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
