I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
