Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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