a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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