Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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