you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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