One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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