you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
