thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
