Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
